Posts from the ‘I Fell A Little Bit in Love With You Today’ Category

A thank you note – or maybe a love letter – to @AmandaPalmer.

So, I got some bad health news today.

No – I really don’t want to go into it. There are too many unknowns for me to go into detail. That’s actually part of the badness of the news: So many “I don’t know”s.

But there’s a familiar process to getting bad news. Call the family, call the fiancé, call the doctor’s office, call the insurance company, maybe not in that order. Rage into the abyss of twitter. Talk to a couple friends and ask for their good thoughts and/or prayers. Pretend I can’t hear the tension in my voice, pretend I can breathe deeply, pretend my voice isn’t an octave higher than it usually is – tight with worry, pretend I can carry on a conversation when I know I’m rambling. Get everything done that I can then settle in for the long, arduous wait until everyone else does their part. Realize I might not get to see the specialist for four weeks. Realize I might not get answers that first appointment. Go through a dozen awful scenarios in my head before I realize my voice is just going higher and higher in pitch and that I’m almost hyperventilating. Hope the customers can’t hear it over the phone. Be grateful they can’t see me because there will be no hiding wide eyes that can’t seem to focus. Try to calm down. Do everything I can. Wait.

Bad news sucks.

And then, as the panic began to dissipate, my first coherent thought was, “I should tweet Amanda Palmer.”


I have no idea where that came from. Why it was Amanda that my mind ran to after the necessities and panic. Why it wasn’t someone I knew.

But, somehow, it made total sense. It still does. Because Amanda is the person who tweets, quite regularly, “i love you” to her audience. Amanda tells people to have better days when they tell her they’re having bad ones and Amanda tells us when she’s having a bad day so that we can do the same for her. Amanda is genuinely grateful to hear when her music has made people feel something. Amanda truly cares and you can tell.

So, I started formulating my tweet and I realized I didn’t want just to tell Amanda that the thought of her made me feel better. I wanted her to understand that she was the FIRST THING my mind went to after I took care of my people and the panic. I wanted her to understand that it wasn’t just her music that appealed to me, but also her presence for her fans. And that meant I needed more room.

And here I am.

Here I am to tell Amanda thank you. Or I love you. It’s funny how those words can, and often do, mean the same thing. Thank you (I love you) for being around to provide comfort and solace. I love you (thank you) for choosing to share yourself with your fans. Thank you (I love you) for being a light – through music and social media – to so many people. I love you (thank you) for understanding that caring and community need not be limited to those in your physical sphere.

I really hope you see this. That you understand that is isn’t just that your personality and music brings a smile to my face. (Though this is still my happy thought that I’m clinging to until I get a call that will calm some of this panic.) That you understand that connecting to you and your fans has been a support system I’ve treasured in the last year. That you have made a difference.

Thank you.

I love you.





I Fell #ALittleBitinLove With You Today – Bread Boy

I fell a little bit in love with you today.

I get close every time I see you.  You’re gorgeous, inescapably so.  Your voice caresses my ears and my eyes drink you in.  You are the consummate salesman.  You flirt openly in pursuit of a purchase.  You’re confident and cognizant of your attractiveness because of that confidence.  You chat with customers.  You notice your customers’ apparel and smiles and insecurities and indecisiveness.   You personally engage when they ask questions about you.  You wrap customers up in smiles so warm the hardest of hearts would melt.  But, you’re still the boy behind the counter.  Today was different.  Today, you said, “See you next week.”   I’ve been coming to this Farmers’ Market all summer – and today you noticed.   Today, you invited me back into the world of this small bread booth, told me I was welcome in it. Today, you saw me – if only a small, tiny bit – as more than a customer.

And so, I fell a little bit in love with you today.

New Project: I Fell #ALittleBitinLove With You Today (Inspired by @AmandaPalmer)

In her TED talk, Amanda Palmer talked about an experience she had several times over as a living statue:

So, I had the most profound encounters with people, especially lonely people who looked like they hadn’t talked to anyone…in weeks. And we would get this beautiful moment of prolonged eye-contact being allowed in a city street and we would sort of…fall in love a little bit.

Now, there’s much more to that story.  I highly recommend the TED Talk for anyone who wishes to become an artist.  But that moment in the TED talk really touched me – it was a recognizable thing.  There are some people I know very little, but love very much because of one moment. So, it was nice to see someone who could relate to those moments of being truly and really in love – if only for a minute or two – friends, strangers, acquaintances, enemies, anyone.

In the last few weeks I have had a really high volume of these moments in which I fall a little bit in love with a person – in which a memory is written onto my heart.  And I’ve come to a bit of a conclusion:

These moments are the gifts of the human experience.  They are what make the human experience beautiful and bearable.  And I want to record mine.

So, about once a week (I hope), I’m going to record one of those moments.  There’s a list in my Creative Journal, waiting to get longer.  These posts will probably be just a paragraph, but it will start and end with, “I fell a little bit in love with you today.”  And no, not each moment  will be from that day – but the beauty of those moments is in their unexpected profoundness – how deeply, permanently they affect us.  And so, amazingly, I fall a little bit in love with that person all over again as I remember (and now record) that moment.

I told a friend about my idea and he responded with another really profound observation: not enough people get told that they are loved because many people are afraid of saying they love someone.  How ridiculous is it that we fear love?  Or that so many people don’t feel that they deserve love?  Because we agreed that too many people feel unworthy of the love they are given.  This is my way of trying to fix that, at least in my life. I think it’s good to share love, whether you’re the recipient or not.

I do not feel like I can afford to forget these moments. And so, I will write them here.  Because, well, I fell a little bit in love with humanity today.