Today, I am grateful for perspective.

I know, strange.  But totally relevant to my life.

One of the hardest parts of being Bi-Polar is the rampant paranoia (I’ve talked about this, I know, but it seems never in a post entirely dedicated to it).  Being afraid for no other reason than a wire in my head has gone loose and it’ll take time for the neurons to find the appropriate detour is stressful.  I know I should be calm and happy, but cannot seem to achieve breaking even.  It’s distressing.

Thankfully, after the neural pathway is repaired, I can go back and see what was wrong, maybe identify the trigger that yanked the wire loose (if I’m lucky), and figure out ways to better ride the storm.  Perspective allows me to stay off my medication for now.  It’s also what will allow me to make an informed decision about when (if, please, please let it be if) I have to go back on.

But, it’s not just the paranoia.  I have ALWAYS had really trippy dreams, and the trippiest of them all are the wish-fulfilling ones.  This is not because they are WILD and KAH-RAAAAAYYYYY-ZEE, but because they are well weird enough that I should KNOW I’m dreaming.  Except my loverly little subconscious wants them to be true SO BADLY that I can’t tell until I wake up.  Then, when I do, the disappointment and totally irrational sadness come in because this totally weird and implausible dream wasn’t reality.

This is where perspective comes in handy.  Most people can brush off trippy dreams in no time flat.  They can say, “Okay, THAT was a weird one.”  Me, not so much.  A trippy dream can ruin an entire day for me, just because of how off I feel when it happens.  This is where perspective comes in.  Taking the time to pick apart the dream and really evaluate it, to gain some much needed perspective from the visceral reactions of the subconscious enables me to get through my day as a much happier and more reasonable person.

Both of these happened in the last twenty-four hours, but are by no means the only times when perspective has allowed me to be a much better person.  They’re just the times that have occurred recently.  Today I am grateful for perspective, because I would be having a REALLY MISERABLE day without it (especially since Election Day makes monsters out of some of the kindest people I know . . . perspective helps me remember that people really are just people).