You just “Can’t Help Falling in Love” with certain people.

I’ve been debating pretty heavily whether or not I was going to post about this subject and, if I did, how I was going to present it.  You see, I’m not talking about who you love in the romantic sense (not that I believe in romantic love, but that’s another post for another day), but those who you fall in love with platonically.  I think these are the people you can help the least.  And, even though I believe that there is a simple and beautiful logic to true love in all forms, I think these can be the hardest to understand.

I don’t suppose I’m being very clear at all, am I?  Perhaps some background:

The Thursday after I posted about being something of a Poky Little Puppy in relationships, the other half of my relationship ended things.  Since the relationship was new and we weren’t too attached, the break-up wasn’t that bad.  It was just confusing.

Then the next Tuesday (so just under a week ago), I found out the why of the break-up.  I was no longer confused.  I was, however, about as livid as can be (I’m less livid now, though no less shocked).  The main sticking point that caused the boy to call things off was that I am a firm supporter of mixed race relationships and he . . . isn’t (understatement of the century, there).

I very quickly informed the boy he was no longer to talk to me.  One of the main reasons I did this was because I have nine beautiful mixed race nieces and nephews who I love more than anything in the world.  It was an impossible thought for me to have someone in my life who did not approve (ugh) of these little miracles.

So this is what brings me to today’s topic. Though I know why I do, I cannot help loving these children any more than I can help breathing.  What’s more, I’ve had several friends of other races or who are mixed race that I could not imagine my life without.  Many have informed my decisions throughout the years, some still inform my decisions.  I would not be the person I am without these beautiful people  and to hate them based on the color of their skin or the fact that their parents have different colors of skin is so beyond anything I can comprehend.  I didn’t “fall in love” with their looks.  I “fell in love” with their personalities and their individuality.

This is true of all my friends.  There is no room for judgement or envy in love.  Basing a relationship off of looks opens the door for either, and both are poison.

I know well that I cannot help loving certain people.  Of this I am glad.  There are some people that–had I based a friendship off looks or first impressions–would be nothing to me today.  But even those that I cannot help loving, the logic of that love is still apparent.  There are reasons for it that I can find daily.  And I do.

Running across someone who actively encouraged me to limit who I allowed myself to love has opened my eyes in many ways.  I’ve learned that, in some ways, I do limit myself in how much I love, if not who.  It’s time for me to let go of my fears, the fears that naturally accompany loving people (after all, if I love, then I might lose), and simply allow myself to open my heart.  It’s not that I didn’t love my friends and family before, but I am now determined to love all of them better.  Eventually, that love will eclipse any anger I feel towards the my ex and his horrific opinions.

Who knows, the day may come when I may even find a smidge of love for my ex, for helping me realize this about myself.  Though, if I’m being completely honest, that day is a long time coming (if at all).

I can’t help who I love, but I can help how I love.  And from now on, I will love better.

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