About a month ago . . . two months . . . oh my goodness that is INSANE . . . any way, starting over.
About TWO months ago, I shared some very personal information with a friend. (Yes, personal enough that I will NOT be sharing it on this blog for now. Sorry, part of my life is still internet free.) This was not the first or last friend I shared this with. But, for whatever reason, this kind of felt like a watershed moment. I think it was because he was the first person I was telling that I didn’t know how he’d react.
Thankfully, he reacted well. I can’t say better than I expected because, well, clearly I didn’t know what to expect.
Since then, he and I have only talked about this once or twice. It’s not that we’re avoiding the topic, it’s just that we don’t need to talk a lot about it. But, in those two times of talking, he has been INCREDIBLE. He has let me know of his love, support, and concern for me. I know that this young man will advocate for me as long as we’re part of each other’s lives.
And that feels awesome. Because, when I trusted him with this sensitive information, I didn’t know what he was going to do. And yet, I made the choice to trust him. I am overcome by the response.
I’ve repeated this several times with so many different aspects of my life. Telling people I’m LDS used to be scary, because my church has a bad reputation in some circles. Scariest thing for the longest time was to tell people I’m Bi-Polar. Sometimes it’s still difficult because of that stupid stigma that SHOULDN’T BUT STILL DOES follow mental disease. Oh my goodness. But, I’m a lot less terrified than I used to be. And, clearly, if it’s on the internet, I’m at the point where even if I’m scared of sharing it, I still will. Seriously, no such thing as secrets on the internet.
Without exception, that choice to take the flying leap and trust BEFORE the person could prove themselves was the right, liberating, and perfect thing to do. Even when people responded badly. I have learned that people are standing by, ACHING to be given the chance to be amazing. And they WILL be, because everyone aspires to be better, to be more. People will shock and shatter you with their capacity to be accepting and supportive and wonderful.
And so, today I am grateful for flying leaps. For faith. For trust. For surprises. For the desire to improve. For the knowledge that when I am scared, depressed, and ready to hide everything that makes me me, YOU–every single one of you–will be there. You will be ready to be amazing.